19 May 2009
Thankful
So, Praise God! Yesterday I had a regular check-up with the doctor and things are going well. Usually a mom would just be content with this news, but for me, I crave hearing her heartbeat on the monitor. I hang on every word the doctor says, just to make sure I don't miss anything. When Analie moves and kicks me in the middle of the night, I don't wake up frustrated that I can't sleep, but rather I relish in the moment that God has given me a life inside me - a precious priceless gift. Oh - my Lord, I will never be able to express my thanks to you for Analie. Father God, when I have cursed you for my pain, you have still reigned and you always will - Lord, you know I still hurt, but praise you - thank you - for a bit of restoration.
11 May 2009
The beginning of the PINK!
I have a wonderful friend who loaded me down Friday night with tons of clothes (really cute ones!) and shoes for Analie. What a blessing! I don't think we will have to buy any 0-3 month clothing for this girl. Thank you Brandi!
The swarm of pink clothing has taken over her closet, but this also meant packing up Marshall's things either for donation or keepsake. Without much detail - this was so hard. Almost a taste of living through hell again. What are you supposed to do with these things? How do you know if you'll ever want to look at them again? How is a funeral book going to help me??? Hard questions - so for the time being, it's all in storage.
Mother's Day was beautiful and bittersweet. Of course, I wanted it to be a day to celebrate my mother, step-mother, mother-in-law and grandmother - and tried to keep my focus on that - rather than another Mother's Day without Marshall.
This weekend was good, but tough. I hope these kinds of days are few and far between, but you never know when reality is going to creep up on you. You never know when this pain will rear it's ugly head...and you either choose to lock it away and temporarily put off the inevitable - or you stare it right in the face, have a broken heart, cry your eyes out, and then pick yourself up and go forward.
Going forward is good. Try not to stall or regress - you're still moving even if it's only one step at a time...
The swarm of pink clothing has taken over her closet, but this also meant packing up Marshall's things either for donation or keepsake. Without much detail - this was so hard. Almost a taste of living through hell again. What are you supposed to do with these things? How do you know if you'll ever want to look at them again? How is a funeral book going to help me??? Hard questions - so for the time being, it's all in storage.
Mother's Day was beautiful and bittersweet. Of course, I wanted it to be a day to celebrate my mother, step-mother, mother-in-law and grandmother - and tried to keep my focus on that - rather than another Mother's Day without Marshall.
This weekend was good, but tough. I hope these kinds of days are few and far between, but you never know when reality is going to creep up on you. You never know when this pain will rear it's ugly head...and you either choose to lock it away and temporarily put off the inevitable - or you stare it right in the face, have a broken heart, cry your eyes out, and then pick yourself up and go forward.
Going forward is good. Try not to stall or regress - you're still moving even if it's only one step at a time...
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