Turkey - check, Thanksgiving - needs work

"Show me a negative person, and I'll show you someone who's not thankful" - Scott Neal

I heard these words last Sunday as I crouched in the back room of the church, alone with my little girl feeding her. It's kinda nice sitting in that room alone - you get a totally different perspective of church. No distractions around, no squirmy neighbor, and the speakers are a little more muffled - a much easier sound for my sensitive ears. Anyway...I heard Scott say this, and started dwelling on it. I know I am negative - I don't want to be, because I am so thankful. So then, last week, I started on a mission to count my blessings and truly give thanks - not just telling God, but showing thanks. Everyday I made a conscious effort to thank God for what he has given me - and what he hasn't given me.

First, for my family. From Analie to Mema and everyone in between - I am so thankful. Philip, ahhhh, he melts my heart, and I don't know where I'd be without him. We have been through some hell together, and we still smile, that's a blessing.

Second, for my job. Reference my previous post - as much as I want to be home with my little girl, I am thankful that I work for a company and 2 amazing bosses that are compassionate enough to let me have the most flexible schedule. I need to quit belly-aching and see the glass half full.

Third, for food on my table. There have been times when Phil and I purchase food from gift cards and, whew, that's over. I am so thankful that I know I don't have to worry about where a meal will come from. It saddens my heart to think that there are real people in America who fear going hungry.

Fourth, for my children. Period. I can't say much or my keyboard will be covered in tears of joy...and some of sorrow too.

Fifth, for recovery, for happiness. I couldn't even put into words the depths my heart has been in - but I have experienced revitalization, comfort. I'm thankful for a God who heals - who held me in His arms when I was kicking and screaming. For a God who heard my cries and led me by still waters. For a God that doesn't have to explain because He promises He works all things out for good.

It may be a little early for New Year's resolutions, but I have mine - why wait until January to start? I want to be more positive, and show how thankful I am for what I have - to my family, friends, and mostly to God. This should last for more than Thanksgiving - "we will rejoice and be glad in it."

American Dream - maybe not?

Well if you ever want to hear a mommy cry, just come to my house on the day I started back to work - duhn duhn duhnnnn! I will probably catch some slack for what I am about to write, I can understand now why the roles have been defined for men and women. Don't get me wrong, I am a full believer in women - they need to have their own mind, education, job, career, will - however, there's that moment when you realize your "career" you've been striving so hard for is just merely that - a career. Something we all do to make money and pay bills, but in truly evaluating life, we wouldn't have these "careers" - we'd just love on our kids.

I guess the struggle comes in this - as a mom, you want to be there for everything. First words, first steps, first this and that - but also part of being a mom is supporting your family - for me anyway. So where does one end and the other begin? I mean, when I'm at work selecting antique French bugets (a fancy word for thick tile) for a client's private chapel it's hard to justify that against being at home, nurturing my little girl. Perspective, people, perspective. I don't know - just rambling a lot here.

"How do you do this?", I say. Well, we'll just figure it out! Lotto anyone?

Birthday parties in heaven

I wonder if they have birthday parties in heaven? I'm really not seeking a true theological answer - I'd just like to think they do. Today, Marshall would be celebrating his 2nd birthday. I imagine him at Jesus' side, tossing a ball around and pushing toy cars. I could see him floating with the colorful balloons - laughing, giggling...experiencing the ultimate joy. I like to think he would just dive into a big chocolate birthday cake 5 tiers high and he could devour as much as he liked. He would have the biggest pinata filled with candy that never stopped raining. He spins and smiles and dances with the angels - oh, my precious boy, I know you are happy. I miss you, I love you forever - Happy Birthday Marshall Brown!