So, been thinking a lot about what content to put out for this part of the series. I think we have learned some invaluable lessons through this part (well, through all of it really) but in particular I think this one will shape us forever. It's money. The green stuff. Cold hard cash. Dinero.
Part 2 - The GREAT Depression
You will probably read about this too in your handy depression handout the doctor/counselor gives you, but again, you have no clue the magnitude of what's happening until you are standing waist deep in a pit of debt. I can recall sitting in the Ronald McDonald House parent room logging onto the computer to pay my bills from the hospital - that was the beginning. I sat down in the chair and realized I hadn't paid any bills in two weeks because I had been so overwhelmed by what was happening with my son. There began the late fees of many to come. Once Marshall came home and subsequently went Home, the medical bills and the like began to roll in. I once read a statement that my insurance company paid over $150K in hospital bills. WOW. To back up some, Phil had began his business about a year prior to Marshall coming into the world - it was going well - and then... We both stayed away from work for about 2 months, and while we had some money trickling in from our jobs, it was really generous donations from loved ones and strangers that kept us afloat. Once I went back to work, I would sit at my desk and cry silent tears as I gazed out of the window. No one knew. I was very inverted. All the while, my husband was home, trying to run his business, but little did I realize he too was in a great fog. Add a toxic mix of depression and countless hours alone in a house where you were supposed to be caring for your son, and you get a dangerous mix of apathetic withdrawal. The business started to tank, bills continued to be paid late, and medical bills were rolling in. We began living off of a credit card to keep us going. We traded in my one year old beloved new SUV for a less expensive car, although we had to roll it all over. It wasn't ever my wish to trade in the car - we had to. I lost my son in that car - too many bad things happened. I couldn't drive a 45 minute commute everyday knowing what had happened there and looking in the rear view mirror for a mirage of the non-existent car seat. So it was gone.
For about a 3 year period after our loss, we busted our tails to make up for the financial mess we had made. Shocker for me - I did not buy one single new outfit or shoes for 6 months straight! People - that's revolutionary! You know what's amazing about being in a storm...eventually the eye of the storm emerges and for a moment you feel the calmness and realize it's temporary. The eye of our storm came one day when a perfect stranger left an envelope of $800 in cash on our doorstep with a note that said "We are so sorry for your loss, please use this however you like. And don't even think of paying us back." It was the exact amount we needed to purchase our son's headstone. It was a God-send, a miracle. Thank you God for sending angels dressed as people to help us!!! By the way, those strangers were revealed to us and are now amazing friends.
I tell you all of this not to get your sympathy or donations (please, don't send me money!) - I tell you this because it's something that was a side effect of our grief that we had no idea about. It's the truth about what really happens when you are in a whirlwind apathetic downward spiral. We could not see the forest for the trees, and unfortunately still today clean up the financial baggage we dragged with us through our healing process. So now we know where every measly cent of our money goes. It's tracked like an FBI fugitive. Our communication about money is crystal clear and we have a plan of attack. We have a budget spreadsheet that even Wall Street would be jealous of. Is it all gone, no. Are we perfect financial planners, no. The difference now is awareness and willingness to make it work. We work too hard for our money to see it blow away in the wind to another creditor. God has blessed us immensely with rewards for our discipline, and it's our prayer to pass these lessons to our children so they will not have to have that stress on them....ever.
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