Introducing !!! (say it in a circus man voice)

The baby and I met President George H. and Mrs. Bush last night! It sounds like a fish story, but it's true, I have witnesses. I was asked to attend the Barbara Bush Literacy Foundation party by a client of mine. I was definately out of my element, but what an experience.

Babies R Us = Psych Ward

I had a great weekend, but some challenging things came also. Phil and I led a DNOW at Sterling Wood Church - it was awesome. Those kids were a blessing to us. In the midst of all the teenage chaos, I had to break away to attend a close friend's baby shower for precious new baby AJ. He is so sweet and we get to see him often (he only lives around the corner). So, I went to Babies R Us (that place is a madhouse!) to get a gift for my friend. I didn't think much of it, but after entering the powder pink and baby blue filled mega store, it suddenly hit me that this was the first time I had gone into the store since we lost Marshall. I was okay with that, until I saw an outfit he had - I was weeping uncontrollably in the middle of the store! I missed seeing him, hearing him, and not to mention there was a lady beside me who called her kid "stupid". People probably thought I was some kind of crazy person (although everyone in that store was crazy). So, I dried my eyes and then smiled, thinking back to all of the joy my precious boy brings me and remembered I have that same joy inside me again. I am so thankful God - I never will call my child, the one you've created, stupid. Thank you for this blessing, keep us healthy.

A sigh of relief

Just finished my lunch of a strawberry banana smoothie – it’s about the only thing that wouldn’t make me puke. Went to the doctor today and everything is going well. We saw a precious little heartbeat again – a strong one at 175 bpm! That’s a relief to me. All of the nurses are so concerned about us – they have all told me how they think about us all of the time, and everyone in their office is praying for us. The main nurse told me not to worry, because they would shoulder the worry for me. I am feeling more relived today than earlier in the week. I just need a break; I am tired of working so much. I am really looking forward to the weekend and this nice weather holding out. I am so thankful for the gift we have.

I will try to post some of the ultrasound pics this weekend!

xoxo Gina

Nine weeks down and twenty nine still to go. I am taking a deep breath (ah exhale) and trying to find some peace in this day. Lately I am consumed by anxiety, even though I am begging God to give me relief, I can't seem to shake the fears that linger over me. Another child coming, I am totally excited - blissful even - but I start to dream and reality sets in. Reality that all of my babies before this one, are in Heaven. Marhsall, dear, I miss you - I love you.

I suspect some of this is hormones, and some of these worries are normal for any mother, but there is a huge piece of me that is still heart broken. Really, in my deepest place, I know everything is going to be glory - revitalization and restoration, but my human broken heart is just that ... broken.

Fear of losing my dreams again to reality - that's what the axiety is all about. I know my God is bigger than this - I know he has given me a perfect gift, a baby. I am so thankful Lord, but be my peace now too.