Shine on

So ten more weeks until my precious beauty arrives. I can hardly stand it, but with much anticipation comes much anxiety. I am trying so hard to fight it – I don’t want to be controlled by a broken heart. I don’t want my joy for Analie to be blustered by the sores of losing Marshall. I started thinking yesterday in church (while I was supposed to be singing – ha) that it has been one year since I declared independence from depression. It may still seem sometimes like I am going through it, but one year ago on July 4, 2008 I woke up and decided I needed to take a step. That even if I only took one step a week, it was still making progress. I decided that I didn’t want to let satan slip into the crack in my broken heart and ruin what God has made me to be. Sure, it would be very easy to lay in bed all day, in the dark, dwelling on what has been ripped away from me, but the reality is what’s done is done. For one year, I have not been on antidepressant medication, nor sleeping pills. For one year I have been healing. Is this process over, for sure not! But it’s a process I will have to walk through my entire life – and despite the cards that have been dealt to me, it’s my choice how to handle this process. I could be ruined or I could shine – I choose to shine. My Marshall would want me to shine, and my Jesus has made me to shine. Like diamonds are formed, I, too, have been under the pressure of the earth, turning from coal and transforming into a bright and brilliant valuable trinket. Oh Lord, let me sparkle this day! Can I be a cushion cut please?