To my darlings

I dream of you, precious, and the lifetime we'll share. How I'll bring you home wrapped up, with such gentle care. How I'll wash your tiny hands, and clean your tiny nose, and kiss you and love you from your head to your toes. I dream of the memories that we'll get to make, taking you to the park and to the zoo to see the snakes. I dream of the moments you'll look at me with love, with innocence in your eyes, and wrap me in your hugs. How I'll hold you so tight, and never let go, how I'll whisper into your ear the things you need to know. Like I love you, I love you, my sweet darling babe, I'll always be here, no need to be afraid. When you have nightmares or fall on your knee, I imagine the kind of mommy I hope I will be. To cuddle and comfort, to tell you it's okay, then to look back together and laugh the rest of the day. I think of the moments you'll snuggle daddy and me, when you'll hold both our hands and go skipping with glee. When I think of you precious, I thank God for love, for grace, and forgiveness, and blessings from above.

IT'S A GIRL!

Yesterday we found out we will be welcoming a precious baby girl, Analie Marie Brown. Analie, pronouced (Ahh - na - lee) means "the Lord has favored me." We are both really in love with her already and my mind has been daydreaming for at least 24 hours now. I couldn't even sleep last night - I was anticipating all of the things I've have been dreaming about. I hope this subsides some, Lord knows I need some rest. Meanwhile, the initial heart ultrasounds at this point have been good. Our ultrasound lady (sorry, don't know the proper term) was so helpful, and she was certified in baby heart ultrasound - so it was perfect. A doing of God I am sure! Reyna was her name, and once she found out about Marshall, she really tried to look for everything to give us some peace of mind. It helped. We will still have the fetal eco on June 4th - Analie's heart will be larger then, and it will be much easier to see everything. Please continue to pray that she is healthy and whole.

oh yeah PICS COMING SOON!

breaking my heart

Did you know?
• 49,551,703—Total abortions since 1973
• 1.37 Million—Abortions per Year in the U.S.
• 56% - Women having abortions in their 20’s
• 52% - Abortions before the 9th wk of pregnancy
• 43% - Estimated # of women will have had an
abortion by the time they’re 45 yrs old
• 750,000—Yearly average of teens (ages 15-19)
becoming pregnant
Statistics taken from Guttmacher Institute

So I received a newsletter yesterday from the pregnancy center with this information - I am so burdened by this - for years I have been, but even more now that I know the hurt of losing a child (even if unwillingly). Not that I want to go out and start picketing or burning clinics, but I feel I need to do something about the apathy our country has become accustom to regarding abortion. Just last week I had a conversation with a coworker who flat out told me "I am all for abortion because what if it doesn't work out between the two people" I was trying to be humble and compassionate in my response (not knowing this person's past) when I responded, "yes, but the choice was to made to have sex, and like anything, there are risks associated with it. there are so many people who want a child to love, who want to have a baby, but can't - what if every abortion turned into an adoption?"

how much happier would society be if we could save the mother's emotional health, mental health, and give the baby a loving, nurturing home? what about the fathers who wanted to keep the babies who now have to shoulder the guilt and pain of a mother's choice? what about the child with a beating heart that never got a chance? i've seen beating hearts at 5 weeks, 6 weeks, tell me that doesn't count for a life?

how great would it be to not have to wait for a year or more to adopt a baby, to not have to spend $20K plus to adopt a child (an abortion costs about $500)? and what if the doctors are wrong in their prediction that the baby will come out unhealthy or challenged? what if science can't always predict what will happen - believe me, I know that's true. doctors told me everything was great pre-birth of Marshall, and only later to find out they weren't okay. The doctors did great work, not to discredit that, BUT they are still human - not all knowing, not the ultimate healer - if so then what happened to my boy?

what if the choice was life?

do i think i will ever live to see abortion outlawed or regulated in this country - sadly, no. But I will not be silent about the love of a child, about the choice to choose life

off my soapbox now...

Anticipation..anticipaaatiooon (sing it)

So, here it is, Monday - just another manic Monday. We had a good weekend - even with all of the rain, it was pretty relaxing and calm. Sunday was gorgeous and we gotd to be outside, so I was happy. Ok - I am so anxious about Thursday! Not in a bad way, just really ready to know if I can purchase that cute little dress I've had my eye on for months, or if we will be buying a tiny cowboy belt with the name stamped on the back.

houston...we have a problem

So, even as convincing as I usually am, I wasn't able to persuade the doctor to take an ultrasound to find out what we are having. The ultrasound at this point in the pregnancy is not covered by insurance, and I couldn't justify paying money when I can find out for free next week. So, I guess I can wait one more week, but it seems like FOR EV ER (ha - reference "The Sandlot") FOR EV ER!

I had a good encouraging talk last night with a friend. Of course, there is apprehension about having a little boy, but my heart is open to whoever and whatever God blesses us with.

BTW - Before this incriminating information leaks onto TMZ or something, I skipped brushing my teeth this morning to avoid seeing any more of my insides come out. Gross - yes, but really I would have had bad breath either way! When life gives you lemons....LOL

heavy heart

This week has been really challenging for me. I battle letting pregnancy emotions get in the way of rational thinking and no one (especially men) seems to understand how difficult that is. Really, in all honesty, it is such a challenge, a virtual struggle between testosterone and estrogen. I don't recall being this emotionally swayed when I was pregnant with Marshall. Add to all of that dealing with difficult people at work (very difficult people!), taxes due, a hefty monthly payment to the doctor, a sweet dog who chews everything, and having to decide what to make for dinner - ugh - I am a stress magnet. Yes, I know, in hindsight all of these things will be but a speck of dirt, not even worth worrying about right now, but at the moment I just want to sit on my couch, read some books, have someone clean my house spotless, receive a check from Ed McMahon, then go get my nails done - and maybe a haircut too?

23 more to go...

15 weeks down. I signed up for Infant & Child CPR class yesterday. It's going to be challenging. I have until June to sike myself up, but in the mean time say a prayer for us. We were schooled in infant CPR before by the 911 operator - not an experience you want to relive. I am very glad we are taking this class though (and I've enlisted my "team" too) because I know first hand how important it is. I hope that other parents in the class don't think I'm a freak if I cry, and explaining the situation would be inappropriate in a room full of pregnant mothers.

On the brighter side, I am feeling pretty good. I had my second upchuck session on Sunday morning in the shower, but made a quick recovery. At least it was a convenient place - really it just washed down the drain. I know, TMI, but hey, you decided to read this! LOL!

Just a little longer until we find out if we are having a boy or a girl. April 23rd is the official date, but when I see the OB on April 16th, I am going to ask her to take a peek on the ultra sound to see if she can tell. We will reveal the name of the baby once we find out what we're having. You can send your wagers to Baby Brown #2 College Fund c/o Gina Brown - haha - just kidding.

xoxo Gina